Crow's Ladies Talk Show
by Bookreader525
Summary: Leafpool thought she was going to have her own talk show, until Feathertail and Nightcloud came onto the scene. Join Leafpool as she goes through ups and downs with her wacky co-hosts and guests!
1. Episode 1: Brackenfur

**Welcome to the first chapter of Crow's Ladies Talk Show! I know there are countless other Warrior cat talk shows out there, but I'm hoping this one is original. Basically it's a talk show hosted by Feathertail, Leafpool, and Nightcloud, Crowfeather's three women... and with each new guest, there's more turmoil, especially from Feather, Leaf, and Night's differing personalities! I hope you enjoy!**

**Also remember to check out my other profile, emjwarriorcatz!**

**-Mossy**

* * *

-chapter one-

Leafpool rushed around the stage, amber eyes huge as she prepared for the show in twenty minutes. She straightened the coffee mug filled with water on the side table, snipped off a loose string on one of the big, plush armchairs with her claw, and most important of all, made sure she looked presentable. The light brown tabby scrambled backstage and then into her dressing room, biting her lip as she smoothed down a tuft of fur sticking up on her head. Her white chest and paws looked clean and pure, like ivory. She was ready.

Exactly fifteen minutes later on the dot, Leafpool was in her dark green armchair, beaming at the camera. Still staring somewhat creepily at the open lens, she lifted her coffee mug with a shaky paw and did a thumbs-up, or at least the best of a thumbs-up she could do without a thumb.

"Uh, Leafpool, what are you doing?" the camera cat, Mossyfire, asked, raising a kittybrow as she stepped out from behind the camera.

"Practicing for the show, of course!" the tabby meowed stiffly in reply.

Mossyfire rolled her eyes. "Yes, but you're not a robot. Relax. Act casual. Calm. Like your usual self. The only difference is you're in front of a camera."

Leafpool sighed. "I suppose you're right. And there's no getting out of this now- I signed a contract for at least forty episodes."

The camera cat nodded. "And who knows? Your show could turn into the next Lion O'Brien." She returned to working on the camera, and Leafpool rolled her eyes. Lion O'Brien was Lionblaze's super-popular show. He was famous for his hilariously stupid jokes, as well as having almost every Warrior cat every on his show.

The brown tabby glanced at the clock at the side of the stage. Three minutes left until it was five o'clock. _Deep breath, _Leafpool thought. _There's nothing left to possibly go wrong in three minutes. _

Just then, her new manager, Half Moon, padded onto the stage, talking loudly into her cellphone. "Goodness, would you just shut up? I'm sorry, but I already got a deal with this lovely she-cat"-she winked at Leafpool-"and I can't handle any more shows at this point. Good day- hold on, what? One hundred thousand?" Half Moon paused, listening to the cat on the other end. Then she giggled and purred, "Okay, make it two hundred and we have a deal." After a few more heartbeats, the white she-cat hung up and grinned at Leafpool. "You have two new partners!"

"Partners?" Leafpool asked hesitantly. "What do you mean? I'm doing this show alone. It's 'The Leafpool Show'. Just me."

"Not anymore!" Half Moon laughed. She muttered something into her mouthpiece, then returned her attention to Leafpool. "Now, it's the Crow's Ladies Talk Show."

Leafpool stiffened. "You don't mean...?"

Half Moon nodded. "Sorry, hun, but they were so desperate, they're payin' me! Please welcome... Feathertail and Nightcloud!"

Leafpool stared in utter shock and disappointment as a gray tabby she-cat with a feathery tail and a stark black she-cat with narrowed copper eyes walked onto the stage.

All of a sudden, crewcats shuffled out, pushing a blue armchair and a yellow armchair out, where they positioned the two chairs so Leafpool's chair was sandwiched between them. A third crewcat brought out two new coffee mugs, also filled with water, and set them on the table.

Before Leafpool could take another breath, a timer beeped, Half Moon rushed off the stage, Feathertail and Nightcloud sat in their chairs, and the camera light flicked on.

A few heartbeats passed. Out of the corner of their eyes, Feathertail and Nightcloud glanced at Leafpool. The tabby realized she was supposed to speak. "Oh! Um, welcome to the..." She racked her brain for the stupid name Half Moon had chirped.

"... Crow's Ladies Talk Show!" Feathertail and Nightcloud chimed in unison, finishing for her.

Holding back an annoyed sigh, Leafpool went on, "So, there was a little bit of a change, and it turns out, I have two new co-hosts."

"That's right!" Nightcloud purred.

"Well, let's not waste time, ladies," Feathertail smiled, taking a sip of her water. "Our guest today is... Brackenfur!"

A handsome but graying golden-brown tabby tom trotted onto stage and sat down in the orange armchair that had already been set up for guests. "I'm glad to be on here, girls," he meowed.

Leafpool nodded, her brow furrowing. She was confused. Wasn't Crookedstar supposed to be her first guest? Again she suppressed a sigh and instead focused on her first guest. "So, Brackenfur, you know what this show is about... uh, I guess, discussing love and mates and stuff... so... tell us about your mate."

"Oh, I'd be _glad _to!" Brackenfur drawled.

_He really likes the word glad, _Leafpool thought reproachfully.

"My lovely, adoring, beautiful, kind, exceptional, amazing, pretty, cool, neat, awesome, fun-"

"We get it," Nightcloud muttered.

"-mate is Sorreltail," Brackenfur said. "She and I have been together for a long time. We have six kits: Cinderheart, Poppyfrost, Honeyfern, Molepaw, Seedkit, and Lilykit."

Feathertail nodded. "Well, your mate sounds lovely. What's your favorite thing about her?"

"If I must pick one thing," mewed Brackenfur, "It's the way she sleeps. I swear, it's like she's an angel. An angel that snores. Just sometimes, of course. Yeah... sometimes."

Leafpool raised her kittybrows. "Alright. And... when did you pop the question?"

Brackenfur giggled like an apprentice. "Oooh... I love when cats ask me this one. I asked Sorreltail to be my mate after our first night together... ya know what I mean. Well, I was a warrior when she was born, but hey, who cares about the age difference? She and I were meant to be, I loved her from the moment she was born."

"You sound like you're her father," Nightcloud remarked. "You know... being full-grown when she was born."

"Yeah, well..." Brackenfur mumbled. "Some things are meant to be. And my lovely Sorrelface and I were meant to be."

"Okay, well, one last question," said Nightcloud. "Is there anything you don't like about your... Sorrelface?"

"Hmm..." Brackenfur shrugged. "Well, I guess her obsession with spending nights out. It's a miracle we only had two litters. I thought we were gonna be the next Fern & Dust + 7 parents." He shuddered. "We got pretty close, too, but then Sorreltail died so..."

"Wait, what?" Feathertail gasped. "She died?"

"Yes, due to wounds from the Great Battle," Brackenfur answered. "But it's no big deal."

"No big deal?" demanded Leafpool. "She was your mate!"

"Yeah, but I'll see her in StarClan. I mean, you're dead, aren't you, Feathertail?"

Feathertail gazed at him, blue gaze lukewarm. "Yes, but I can still-"

Brackenfur turned to Leafpool. "And you wanted Crowfeather, right? Well, you can probably be with him in StarClan."

Leafpool wasn't able to say anything before Nightcloud burst out, "Crowfeather's _my _mate, and it'll stay that way even when we die!"

"But you'll be separate when you die," Brackenfur disagreed, shaking his head. "You're not going to StarClan."

That was enough to set Nightcloud off. The black she-cat pounced on the tom, clawing at him as she hissed, "Fox-heart! Crowfood-eater! Mousedung-brain!"

Quickly Leafpool and Feathertail turned to the camera. "Well, that's all for today, folks. See you tomorrow at five!"

* * *

**Phew, finally done. I just wanted to say a few things:**

**a) I was inspired by the Yellowfang and Nightcloud Show and Mapleshade and Silverstream's Couples Counseling, so thanks to the authors of those hilarious pieces**

**b) Please tell me any mistakes/suggestions**

**c) Tell me who should be on the next episode because I have nothing pre-written XD**

**Bye for now.**

**-Mossy**


	2. Episode 2: Russetfur

**Thanks Kat7685 and LakeStream for the follows, and LakeStream for the fave! And Kissed for the review! I'm glad you guys like it. Please let me know of any suggestions or requests for who should be on the show!**

**-Mossy**

* * *

-chapter two-

Leafpool was amazed. She sat in her green armchair on the stage, scrolling through the critics' reviews of the first episode of her show on her laptop.

"_Very funny and intriguing show. Though I was expecting something a bit more... slow. Like, mature. If you know what I mean? After all, the menu for my cable said it was The Leafpool Show, not the... "Crow's Ladies Talk Show." Oh well, it was still a hit to me!_"

"_Okay, let me just start this off by saying I won't be watching the next episode. A synonym for this show would be garbage. It was all acting- you could tell how fakey-fake they all were, even the guest. It's all pre-written rubbish. No reality there._"

"_lollolololollllll this show is sooooooooo funnie hahahahhahahhahaha p.s. this is cherrypaw p.p.s. i hacked into the website so i could get a critic review lol_"

The light brown tabby closed the screen of her laptop and set it on the table. Mixed reviews, but the majority was good. It seemed Leafpool still needed to relax a bit, though. She needed to get over her days of having a small part on two episodes of NCIS.

Feathertail and Nightcloud padded onto the stage, chattering away. Leafpool sneaked a glance at the clock. 4:58. "You're late!" she hissed to her co-hosts.

Nightcloud glanced at her and rubbed the Band-Aid on her head from her tussle with Brackenfur. "Uh, sorry. Kinda need to rest my head here."

Feathertail shrugged and mumbled, "Sorry."

"So who is our guest today?" demanded Nightcloud as she plopped down in the yellow armchair. Leafpool scanned her notes and told her it was Russetfur.

"Russetfur?" Feathertail was confused. "But she didn't have a mate, did she?"

"I guess we'll have to see," Leafpool mumbled.

"I guess Lion O'Brien won't be watching this episode," Nightcloud joked. "Ya know, 'cause he killed-"

"We know," Leafpool snapped.

And just like that, the camera light blinked on, and Mossyfire gave them the cat version of a thumbs-up from her place behind the camera. Remembering that negative review claiming they were acting, Leafpool relaxed every muscle in her body and purred, "Welcome to the..." She paused, allowing Nightcloud and Feathertail to jump in. "...Crow's Ladies Talk Show!"

Nightcloud leaned in close to the camera and winked. Mossyfire drew back a bit as the black she-cat winked and smiled toothily. "Where we discuss _everything _about your mate."

"Our guest today is... Russetfur!" Leafpool announced, clapping her paws as the former ShadowClan deputy padded onto stage and took a seat in the orange armchair for guests.

"Thanks for having me on the show," the dark ginger she-cat meowed. "So, ask me up. What do you need to know about my Blackykins?"

Nightcloud wrinkled her nose. "Wait, you hooked up with that old coot?"

Russetfur glared at the black she-cat. "For your information, that 'old coot' is my handsome lover. And he's young and not a 'coot' in my eyes!"

"And in your eyes only," Nightcloud muttered.

Leafpool ignored Nightcloud and said to Russetfur, "So, Russetfur, do you miss being with Blackstar?"

"Always," the ginger warrior mewed, taking on a dreamy look in her eyes. "24/7. He was my angel, but now I'm his angel... literally."

Feathertail nodded. "How did you and Blackstar meet?"

Russetfur smiled, eyes still glazed as she thought of the black-pawed tom. "Welllllll... I used to be a loner, but I joined ShadowClan... and there was Blackpaw, handsome as ever. I just couldn't resist his beauty and charm, so we spent a night out together and-"

"Okay, okay, we don't need to know the end result of _that_," Nightcloud interrupted, wrinkling her nose and waving her paws rapidly in front of her. "Let's just do one last question, my favorite... what do you dislike the most about Blackstar?"

The ginger deputy, however, crossed her arms and growled, "I'm not going to answer that. You're just trying to stir up trouble, as usual. One would think you belong in my Clan."

Nightcloud spat angrily and stood up, copper eyes blazing. "How dare you say that! I wouldn't be caught dead living with a bunch of carrionplace-dwellers. Besides, you're only insulting yourself."

"And there you go again," Russetfur snorted, rolling her eyes.

"That does it!" spat Nightcloud, and with a hiss of fury, she landed herself squarely on Russetfur and scrabbled at her with unsheathed claws.

Leafpool and Feathertail hopped in front of the camera, both wearing fake smiles. "And that's it for this installment of Crow's Ladies Talk Show, folks!" they chimed in unison. "See you next time, same place, same time!"

Hurriedly, Mossyfire shut off the camera and helped the other two hosts pull apart Nightcloud and Russetfur.

* * *

**Hope you liked :P I might upload a second episode today. Please tell me who to have as a guest on here!**

**-Mossy**


	3. Episode 3: Cinderheart

**Thanks for the idea, Lake. I didn't know who to do next, but I'll do Cinderheart for this episode :D**

**And I wasn't thinking of that show, I was going for Conan O'Brien, but that one works too lol**

**Enjoy! -Mossy**

* * *

-chapter three-

Following the success obtained by Crow's Ladies Talk Show's first two episodes, Leafpool decided to set up an Kinstagram account for the show, with the username crows_ladiessssss (since crows_ladies_talk_show was already taken. Strange...).

The first picture Leafpool posted was a selfie of her, tongue out like Misty Cyrus, captioned "watch our show tonite 5 pm! #clts"

What the tabby didn't realize was Nightcloud was looking over her shoulder. The black she-cat arched a kittybrow and demanded, "What do you think you're doing?"

Startled, Leafpool jumped and then glared upwards to see Nightcloud, sipping from a can of Red Breeze, a drink she was apparently addicted and devoted to because it was named after her son, Breezepelt. "What?" Nightcloud demanded between sips. "Can't a she-cat look over another she-cat's shoulder and expect peace?"

Leafpool scowled back down at her phone and then shut it off. "No. But there's no time to argue about that now. We have a minute to start the show." She glanced around. "Where's Feathertail."

"I dunno," mumbled Nightcloud as she slid down in her yellow armchair.

"Well, you need to help me find her! She's kinda important to the show."

"_Kinda _important?" Nightcloud growled, pouring her can of Red Breeze into the coffee mug. "She and I have the same role on the show, you know- 'co-host'- so does that mean I'm only _kinda _important as well?"

Leafpool rolled her eyes as she peeked backstage, calling Feathertail's name. "Fine, she's important to the show. And so are you. Happy?"

Nightcloud shrugged, wrinkling her nose in her cup. "Darn, I forgot to pour out the water first! Now it's all mixed together and diluted and gross!" She scurried backstage, and Leafpool turned to Mossyfire, helpless. The camera cat sighed and meowed, "Just start the show alone, then! You have 10 seconds! Ten, nine..."

Leafpool scrambled back to her seat and settled herself, smoothing down her ruffled fur. But she was still conscious of the two empty armchairs beside her, even Nightcloud's missing coffee mug. Swallowing back her annoyance and curiosity, Leafpool smiled at the camera just as the light switched on. "Hello, and welcome to another outstanding episode of the Crow's... er, _Ladies _Talk Show."

She paused, still smiling, staring back and forth to see if Feathertail or Nightcloud would appear. They didn't, so the tabby continued, "Today we have a very special guest for you all. Give it up for-"

"Me!" purred a gray tabby she-cat as she padded onto stage. She immediately took a seat in Nightcloud's yellow armchair, clearly not knowing she was supposed to be in the orange one.

"Er, Cinderheart..." Leafpool started, but Mossyfire gave a signal that said she had to keep going, no interruptions.

Groaning inwardly, Leafpool meowed, "So, Cinderheart you agreed to be on the show so we could discuss all the juicy stuff about your mate. And who would your mate be?"

"None other than the ever-famous a-Lion O'Brien!" Cinderheart purred insanely, standing and waving to the dark audience. She sat back down, grinning ear-to-ear.

"Oh, of course," Leafpool muttered. "My son." To be honest, Leafpool hadn't been happy when her son, Lionblaze, signed a contract for five seasons of a talk show all about criticizing cats. But he had gotten big bucks for it, and when he got Leafpool a new Furrari, she decided to try the show biz out for herself. Turns out, the highest she could go was forty episodes in case her show was crap, so Leafpool had been sour about the whole Lion O'Brien thing since that. "So, tell about Lion_blaze_. What do you love most about him?"

Cinderheart beamed. "What do I love most about Lion _O'Brien_?" she asked, still purring but also gritting her teeth as she corrected her mother-in-law. "It's how famous he is. And perfect. Like, I could dig my claws deep in his neck, and he doesn't die. He's like one of those squishy stress toys- squeeze 'em, beat 'em up, do anything to 'em, and they're still in tip-top shape." She winked, "That's exactly what by Lionbaby is to me."

Just then, Feathertail raced onto stage, breathless as she looked up at the clock. "Oh, StarClan, 5:12! I'm so sorry!" she meowed, collapsing into her blue armchair. "I went the premiere of the new season of the Lion O'Brien show, and I paid 3K to get a good seat, so I had to stay for the whole thing." The gray tabby glanced at the camera, tipped her head, and smiled. "You should go to his show sometime. It's a blast! You get all-you-can-eat pizza if you pay an extra thousand bucks for the buffet, and if you get a really good seat, which I did, you can touch Lion O'Brien! TOUCH him-"

"Okay, okay, this isn't a Gush and Carry On About the Lion O'Brien Show Show," Leafpool hissed. "It's the Crow's Ladies Talk Show. And speaking of the 'ladies' part, where is Nightcloud?"

"Here, I'm here!" Nightcloud announced, strolling onto the stage with a brand-new coffee mug covered in Red Breeze logos. "Sorry, I accidentally slipped and broke my old coffee mug, and a shard of the mug got stuck in my ear, so I had to go to the ER and get that patched up," she meowed, pointing to her bandaged ear. "And then I bought this new mug with the Red Breeze logo on it, which is perfect to drink my Red Breeze in."

Cinderheart was fed up with the attention not being on her. "Hey, aren't _I _the guest here?" she mewed.

Leafpool nodded. "You are, you're right, Cinderheart. Nightcloud, just sit down, be quiet, and don't get injured again, _please_."

Feathertail, also flustered, bobbed her head up and down. "Yes, Leafpool's right." She glanced at the clock. "We have eight minutes left. Let's make this count." She twisted to face Cinderheart. "So, Cinderheart-"

"Wait, hold the phone," Cinderheart cut in, giving the death glare to Feathertail. "Did you _touch _my hubbie?"

"Well, um, he puts his paw down so we can slap him four-"

Cinderheart crammed her paw in Feathertail's face. "The ring? Do you _see _the ring?" she spat, wiggling the claw where a gold band topped with a humongous diamond was wrapped around it. "He's with me, fox-heart. And if you want to challenge our marriage, I'll-"

Nightcloud suddenly slapped Cinderheart across the face and snapped, "Get out of my chair!"

Cinderheart shook her head vigorously and crossed her arms, commanding, "Get out of my _hair_!"

Feathertail bared her teeth and clipped Cinderheart over the ear. "Get out of my... uh, _life_!"

Leafpool stared pointedly at her co-host. "That doesn't rhyme-"

"Oh, I don't care!" Feathertail meowed angrily, stomping off the stage.

"Oh, that does it!" Nightcloud howled in rage as she leaped on Cinderheart.

Leafpool could only sigh, step in front of the camera, and steal a sip of Nightcloud's Red Breeze as she mewed, "That's all for today, folks. See you tomorrow..." -she glanced behind her at the black-and-gray ball rolling around the stage, then back at the camera- "at five, that is, if I'm still alive."

* * *

**I was pretty proud of this one. Tell me what you think, and give me ideas!**

**-Mossy**


	4. Episode 4: Cloudtail

**Thanks for the ideas! Cloudtail today. R&R!**

**-Mossy**

* * *

-chapter four-

"Wow, this is good!" Leafpool remarked as she tried a sip of Nightcloud's Red Breeze.

"Isn't it?" chirped Nightcloud as she downed a whole can.

"I just said it was," muttered Leafpool as she slowly took another gulp. "What flavor is it? Cherry-"

Nightcloud leaped ten feet high and recited, "Cherry-berry-quadruple-banana-twist-grape-raspberry-blend-strawberry-tomato-supreme."

Leafpool quickly put the can down. "Tomato?" She wrinkled her nose, then looked up at the backstage clock. "My, look at the time! 4:58! Let's get going." She rushed out onto the stage and slid into her armchair. Feathertail was already in her blue chair, texting someone.

"Ugh," the gray cat groaned, whisking her plumy tail back and forth. "They do not make iPawd keyboards claw-friendly!"

"Then sheathe your claws!" Nightcloud purred, too jittery to sit in her seat.

Feathertail rolled her eyes without looking up as she jabbed at her screen. "Duh, it's even more impossible with just your toes."

"5! 4! 3..." Mossyfire yelled from behind the camera.

In no time, the camera light flicked on, and Leafpool purred, "Hello! Welcome to the..." She looked at her co-hosts. Feathertail was still busy trying to text, and Nightcloud was hopping around her chair, muttering "Gotta pee, gotta pee..."

"...Crow's Ladies Talk Show," Leafpool mumbled.

"Finally!" Feathertail squealed as she smacked the send button on her iPawd screen. Finally, she shut off the cursed thing and put it on the table. Then she looked to the camera, smiled, and said, "Crow's Ladies-"

"I already said that part myself," Leafpool hissed, glancing at Nightcloud. "And just sit down, will ya?"

Nightcloud shook her head, still jumping from paw to paw around her chair. "Can't. I'll-"

"Just go!" Leafpool growled, waving her away. Gratefully, the black she-cat scrambled off to the backstage bathroom.

"Anyway..." Feathertail mewed, refocusing her attention to the camera. "Today's special guest is Cloudtail. Give him a paw!"

A fluffy white tom padded onto stage, muttering thanks as he sat in Nightcloud's chair. Leafpool shook her head and demanded if he had seen the last episode; then, remembering, the tom swiftly sat in the orange chair, to save his own life. "Thanks for having me, Leafpool and Feathertail-"

"I'm back!" Nightcloud yelled, making a running leap from the side of the stage to her yellow chair. "Phew," she panted before noticing Cloudtail was there. "Oh, hey, Cloudtail."

He furrowed his brow. "Uh, hey..."

"Okay, Cloudtail," Leafpool started to get them back on track. "So, Cloudtail, who's your lovely mate?"

"Brightheart," the old white tom purred. "She's been my true love ever since those horrible dogs scarred her."

Nightcloud arched a kittybrow. "What about before she was mauled by dogs?"

Cloudtail turned to the black she-cat. "Well, she was just a regular she-cat. But missing an ear and having most of her ears shredded off makes er special."

"I'm not sure you want to say that," Feathertail warned. "Brightheart might-"

"So if the dogs _hadn't _mauled her, you wouldn't have become Brightheart's mate?" Nightcloud persisted.

"I don't know! Maybe," Cloudtail, flustered, replied. "I don't know how things would have been. But I'm happy they way they turned out."

Leafpool nodded. "So you're happy the way Brightheart is?"

"Yes," Cloudtail mumbled. "Finally someone understands." Speaking louder, he added, "And I love our four beautiful kits."

Feathertail glanced down at an index card in her grasp. "What do you think about Brightheart's knowledge of herbs?"

"It's helpful," Cloudtail purred. "Knowing my sweetheart could save a life, unlike every other usual warrior." Again he added, even louder, "And I love our four beautiful kits."

Leafpool sighed. "Tell us about your kits."

"Well, I thought you'd never ask!" Cloudtail laughed. "We have Whitewing, and then our more recent litter: Amberkit, Snowkit, and Dewkit. Two daughters and two sons."

Nightcloud smirked. "So Whitewing wasn't good enough for you?"

"Well, we wanted to have more kits before we retired," Cloudtail hissed, immediately defensive. "I wanted a chance to feel the joy of being a new father again before I went to the elders' den. I love all my kits equally," he insisted.

"Mmmhmm," Nightcloud hummed, clearly not buying it.

With a howl of rage, Cloudtail leaped onto Nightcloud, pinning her down and growling, "Now, you listen here..."

Leafpool stepped in front of the camera while Feathertail tried to wrestle Nightcloud and Cloudtail apart.

"Getting used to this routine," the tabby muttered before stating, "That's all for today folks. See you tomorrow at five!"

* * *

**:D**

**-Mossy**


	5. Episode 5: Stormfur

**Thanks for the suggestions, guys! Today will be Stormfur, but I have plans for Ivypool, Firestar, Crookedstar, and Lionblaze.**

**-Mossy**

* * *

-chapter five-

Leafpool sped to the TV Studio in her Furrari, her heart beating as fast as the car's current miles per hour. She glanced at the car clock and felt sick. 4:50! This wasn't good because:

a). Her car's clock was five minutes behind,

b). She was still 20 minutes away,

c). There was traffic up ahead, and

d). Leafpool knew she would hear about it for moons if she didn't get there on time, because she always scolded anyone else when they arrived late.

Leafpool knew she had no choice but to wait and be scolded, so she sighed and sat in her Furrari, watching the time tick by.

**-o3o-**

Meanwhile, back at the studio, Nightcloud and Feathertail were for once both ready and on stage in their usual chairs.

"Where's Leafpool?" Feathertail hissed, scratching her claws on the fabric of her chair. Nightcloud's was already completely shredded.

"Don't ask me!" Nightcloud growled. "_Call _her!"

"Ugh, fine," mumbled Feathertail, as she clawed at her phone and clumsily hit Leafpool's number on her contacts list. It kept ringing and ringing, but Leafpool didn't answer. "I think her phone's turned off!" Feathertail meowed, giving up and putting the iPawd back away.

Nightcloud rolled her eyes. "She's probably dead." She looked to the clock. "Besides, it's 4:59. If she was gonna be here, she'd be here by now. So oh well." She picked at a scab on her shoulder where Cloudtail had scratched her last time.

Feathertail locked away and slumped in her seat. "I'm going to give her a minute. Then I'm going back to the Lion O-"

"5! 4! 3..." Mossyfire started.

Feathertail sat up straight and smoothed her fur. "Okay, never mind, it's showtime," the gray tabby sighed, plastering on a huge smile and facing the camera. Nightcloud still picked at her scab.

"...1!" whispered Mossyfire, pointing to them.

"Welcome to the..." Feathertail glanced at Nightcloud and wrinkled her nose. _...Scab-pickers show! _"... Crow's Ladies Talk Show!" she announced, faking a warm purr.

"Finally!" Nightcloud shouted, flicking the scab away. It ended up landing on Leafpool's empty seat, but Feathertail didn't notice.

"Well, Leafpool couldn't be here today," Feathertail spoke as calmly as she could without showing that she wanted to strangle Nightcloud. "So it's just me and Nightcloud. So, getting back on track, our guest today is..."

"Stormfur!" Nightcloud mumbled, seeming less as excited than she was about her scab.

The two she-cats clapped their paws as a dark gray tom slathered in mud padded onto stage and sat down smartly in the orange chair. "I'm so glad to be here today, girls," the tom meowed, winking at his sister, Feathertail. "I traveled a long way for this."

Feathertail purred for real and looked at the audience. "Stormfur is my brother, in case you didn't know," she mewed. "He lives in the mountains with the Tribe. He stayed there so he could be with his true love, Brook."

Stormfur nodded. "Yes. I used to be of RiverClan, but I'm very happy with the Tribe." He glanced at Feathertail and Nightcloud, who was slurping up her drink- could be water, but probably Red Breeze- and said, "So I'm here to talk about Brook, right?"

"Yes." Feathertail looked down at the note card in her grasp. "What was so special about Brook that made her stand out from the she-cats in RiverClan?"

"Well, for one, I love brown tabbies," Stormfur told her. "And Brook's gray eyes are just phenomenal. And her personality is wonderful, she's just a breeze to get along with. I wish I had met her earlier. She's truly one in a million."

Nightcloud suddenly sat upright and scrambled to put her mug down. "Did someone say breeze?"

Feathertail sighed. "Not Breezepelt or Red Breeze, Nightcloud. My brother was saying Brook is a breeze to get along-"

The black she-cat stopped listening to Feathertail and turned to Stormfur, narrowing her eyes. "You know, those words sound familiar."

Stormfur tilted his head, confused. "What do you mean?"

"What you just said. About Creek or whatever her name is. Hold on, I think I know where that's from," Nightcloud mused as she stuck one arm into her chair and pulled out a small book. "Here it is. I always keep a pocket copy just in case."

"U- uh, what's that?" Stormfur stammered, suddenly looking uncomfortable. Fear showed in his amber eyes.

Nightcloud smirked. "It's the book my handsome Breezepelt wrote about me. Well, I wrote most of the stuff about myself and told him to put it that in there, but he gets plenty of credit too. Now let's see..." The WindClan warrior flipped through the pages until she stopped on one. "Here! Page 235: 'My mother's eyes are phenomenal': 'Well, for one, I love black cats. And my mommy's amber eyes are just phenomenal. And her personality is wonderful, she's just a breeze to get along with. I wish I had met her earlier. She's truly one in a million.'" Nightcloud closed the back and stashed it back in her chair. "Why did you plagiarize me- er, my son?" she demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Stormfur insisted, but his argument was weak. "It must be a mere coincidence-"

"No, I read that book," a new voice said. Everyone turned, and there was Leafpool! "Those exact words are in that book. You just tweaked them a little to match Brook's tabby fur and gray eyes."

Feathertail frowned and whipped around to face her brother. "Why would you do that?" she growled.

Stormfur's bottom lip trembled, and abruptly, he ran off stage.

Nightcloud sighed and turned to the camera. "Well, today's show was interesting. But now I get a million bucks!"

Leafpool and Feathertail stared at her, puzzled. "Why?"

"Because I'm gonna sue him!" Nightcloud laughed, waving goodbye to the camera.

"Uh, we still have like 20 minutes left-" Leafpool started, but Feathertail shrugged.

"Our guest left. I guess that's it." All three ladies, for once, looked at the camera and meowed in unison, "That's all for today, folks. Remember, tomorrow at five!"

* * *

**Yay! Tell me what you thought. And keep sending in cats you want featured. I might even do some OCs, but you'll have to give me a thorough description of them so I don't write them OOC.**

**-Mossy**


	6. Episode 6: Ivypool

**Yay, more ideas. Thank you. Here is the sixth episode: Ivypool.**

**Today: Ivypool**

**Tomorrow: Firestar**

**-Mossy**

* * *

-chapter six-

Leafpool gnawed through the stale Kit-Cat bar, her jaws already aching from trying to crunch through the rock-hard chocolate and wafers; and she wasn't even halfway done yet.

She was stuck in traffic again, but luckily just five minutes away from the studio this time. The tabby had plenty of wiggle room this time, but having not had lunch, Leafpool was forced to dig through her glove compartment until she found something. Flicking off the mold, she dug into the candy bar, wishing she had brought the leftover mouse from last night's supper.

She decided to pull out her phone and check Kinstagram while she wasn't moving. The show's account, crows_ladiessssss, had gotten fairly popular: 5527- no, 5526 followers. Wait, what? Leafpool refreshed and relaxed when she saw 5528. She snorted, thinking of her personal account, proud_mom_of_3_munchkinsss, which only had 203 followers. On her personal, she had put in her description "i follow back lolz"; but, people must be smart, because they noticed how she had 203 followers and was following just 55 people.

A loud _honnnnkkk _pierced Leafpool's ears, and she startled, realizing that the traffic jam was unjammed. She pressed on the brakes, flipping off the person behind her- as a honk that loud and long was not that necessary- and slid into a parking space just outside the TV Studio. She glanced at the clock on the wall as she hustled in: 4:56! Barely in time!

Meanwhile, on stage, as Mossyfire prepared the camera equipment, Nightcloud and Feathertail were arguing about which Clan was better: WindClan or RiverClan.

"Obviously WindClan," Nightcloud was saying as Leafpool padded in and collapsed in her chair, moaning as her stomach gurgled after eating the Kit-Cat. "I mean, really, Tallstar was one of the wisest leaders we ever had. What 'leader' do you have to compete with him?"

"Uh, Crookedstar!" Feathertail growled. "He went through so much, and still rose up to leader. One of the most amazing cats I know besides myself!"

Nightcloud snorted. "Haven't you heard Tallstar's story? His father died when he was young, and he planned to kill the rogue responsible-"

"Ugh, just shut up, you two!" Leafpool hissed, clutching her hurting head and stomach. "I don't feel so good. We need to get this over with before I hurl."

Mossyfire winced from her place behind the camera, then meowed, "5! 4! 3..."

"2, 1," Leafpool moaned before sitting straight up despite how she felt and mewing too perkily with a smile, "Hello! Welcome to the..."

"Crow's Ladies Talk Show!" Feathertail and Nightcloud finished, still shooting glares at each other since their dispute was on hiatus.

"On today's episode, our guest is very unique because she isn't known to have a mate yet. But maybe, with some... you know... poking and prodding in her beeswax, we can figure it out!" Feathertail purred, winking.

Nightcloud rolled her eyes and announced, "Clap your paws for... Ivypool!"

A silver-and-white tabby she-cat padded onto stage and sat down in the orange armchair, glancing from host to sick host to host. "Thanks for inviting me on the show. Before you start anything, though, I just wanted to say that I heard what you said about diving into my beeswax, and I don't think-"

"But that's what the show's about!" Nightcloud gasped.

Feathertail wrinkled her pink nose and leaned in close to the ThunderClan cat. "And you expected not to be bothered?"

Leafpool raised a kittybrow and croaked, "Is there something you're hiding from us?"

"Of course there is!" Ivypool meowed. "It's-"

"A tom?" Nightcloud murmured. Slyly she looked around the stage with slanted eyes. "Or-"

"She was going to say what- or _who_- it was!" Feathertail cut in. "Be quiet and let her speak!"

"No, actually, I wasn't," Ivypool muttered. "I was going to say, 'It's none of your business'!"

Leafpool sighed. "Well, how about we just end the show now so-"

"And besides," Ivypool went on as if Leafpool hadn't spoken. "It would kill you if you knew who I was dating." She smirked and laughed. "And am _engaged _to!" She thrust out her left front paw to the camera, wiggling her toes as a sparkly diamond ring caught the stage light and filled everyone's eyes with sparkle.

All of a sudden, Nightcloud screeched, "No!" and flung herself onto Ivypool's paw, forcing down the silver-and-white she-cat and yanking off the ring. "It can't be!" cried the black female as she examined the ring, seeming to be searching for the brand name on the band.

"Nightcloud, stop!" Feathertail protested, even though she was dying to know. Would the type of ring reveal who it was?

"Give it back to her, now!" Leafpool snapped, and then burped loudly. "Ugh, I don't feel so good..." she groaned, holding her heaving stomach.

"Yes! I cannot believe it!" Nightcloud spat, still pinning a writhing Ivypool. "This ring is from Breeze Jewelers, and the only cats that can get Breeze Jewelers jewelry are me-"

"So you gave the ring to her?" Feathertail meowed, confused. "So was this rehearsed or something?"

Nightcloud shook her head quickly. "No, no, no! The only cats that can get this kind of jewelry are me and my son!"

All was silent. Nightcloud threw the ring down on the ground, and by some miracle it didn't break. Ivypool snatched it back up, crammed it onto her paw, and slithered back into the armchair, crossing her arms. "So, yes, I'm engaged to Breezepelt," she snarled. "What's the big deal?"

Nightcloud was speechless. She just stared ahead at nothing. Clearly having not been informed by her son about his relationship with Ivypool, she needed time to mull this over. So Leafpool asked, "Well, know that we know... when did you two meet?"

Ivypool sighed in relief. "Good, not a personal question. Um... we met when training in the Dark Forest, actually. He was cuter than Hawkfrost, so... yeah."

Feathertail nodded. "Ooh, and when was your first kiss?"

Ivypool shut her eyes and rubbed her temples. "On our second date."

Feathertail blinked in surprise. "Not your first?"

The silver tabby shook her head. "No. Well... he leaned in but I- wait, why am I telling you this!"

Just then, Leafpool threw up all over Ivypool's feet. Dovewing's sister screeched and ran off the stage, refusing to look at her feet. Leafpool ran the other way, gasping "Mint! I need a mint!"

In spite of all the abrupt chaos, Nightcloud still remained immobile and quiet. Ivypool returned to the stage, throwing her armchair at Nightcloud. The black she-cat hissed at the ThunderClan female. "That's for traumatizing my fiancee when he was a kit!" She smashed the Red Breeze mug on Nightcloud's lap. "And for smothering him when he was an apprentice!" Then she stomped off.

Feathertail leaped in front of the camera and squeaked, "That's all for five. See you tomorrow at today..."

* * *

**XD**

**-Mossy**


	7. Episode 7: Firestar

**Sorry for not updating, guys! I was on vacation.**

**Today: Firestar**

**Tomorrow: Crookedstar**

**-Mossy**

* * *

-chapter seven-

Leafpool yawned and pounded the alarm clock on her nightstand. The incessant beeping halted, but when the brown tabby took off her gel bead-filled sleeping mask, she found she had broken another alarm clock again beyond repair. Growling in annoyance, she yanked out its cord, tossed it into the garbage and made a mental note to buy one made from steel later at Tigert.

_Another day, another twenty dollars for producing this awful show, _Leafpool thought bitterly as she rolled out of bed and yawned her way through breakfast. The coffee just didn't seem to be working at its full potential today. Leafpool pulled the strawberry Pop-Tarts out of the toaster and munched through them, ignoring the burning sensation on her tongue from the hot strawberry jelly or jam or whatever it was.

It was going to be a rough day. She had to go visit Hollyleaf in rehab, and then Jayfeather at medical school. Lionblaze's siblings were very jealous of Lionblaze because he, apparently, was the "successful one." Well, at least Jayfeather was successful too...

**o3o**

Leafpool felt like, with her life, she had stepped into a reality show as she stood in front of a large, stone-gray building marked with looming black letters "FELINE REHAB FOR KILLING CATS".

"Why?" the brown tabby squeaked before padding into the place. Inside, it wasn't that much prettier. The only colorful thing was the Clanmas decorations from six months ago that still hadn't been taken down yet over the receptionist's desk.

Ducking under the bright red-and-green streamers, Leafpool muttered to the half-asleep front desk cat, "Leafpool to see Hollyleaf."

The receptionist just nodded and reached blindly to the left for her coffee (which was in front of her). Leafpool walked past her, sucking in her cheeks as she trudged through the back, going by cell after cell and nodding to a guard every once in a while. Finally the tabby arrived at the very last cell, which contained a scruffy black she-cat who was hunched in a corner, watching a tiny TV. Her huge, estranged green eyes reflected on the screen, and when Leafpool leaned closer, she realized her daughter was watching reruns of none other than Crow's Ladies Talk Show.

Touched, Leafpool leaned close to the bars that separated her and the young black she-cat and purred, "Hello, sweetheart."

Without turning, apparently fixated on the show, Hollyleaf demanded, "Who is it?"

"Leafpool!" her mother gasped. "So you're watching my show?"

"Um, yeah," Hollyleaf mumbled, back still to Leafpool. "Look, maybe come another time. Right now I'm at the part where Nightcloud confronts Cloudtail about his kits! Haha! And look at Feathertail's reaction. They are so funny..." Just then, she turned around to find Leafpool gone. "Uh, Mom?"

**o3o**

Leafpool ran out of the rehab center, tears stinging the back of her eyes, ignoring the confused stares fixed on her. _Fine. If you don't care about me-_

"Leafpool!" Blinking, the tabby spun around from where she was digging her keys out of her purse for her Furrari. It was Bramblestar, one of the guards (even leaders need summer jobs), jogging after her.

"Yes, Bramblestar?" the she-cat asked respectfully, dipping her head as she paused her key search.

"Did she attack you again?" Tigerstar's son asked, scratching the back of his head as he eyed Leafpool up and down. "You don't look hurt, but I just wanted to make sure."

Leafpool patiently waited for him to finish, even though time was running out for her to get to Jayfeather's school to see his class presentation. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine," she mumbled, meaningfully rubbing a scar concealed by fur just under her collarbone from a past attack. "Thanks for caring," she told her brother-in-law, quickly returning her attention to her purse. "Darn, where are those keys?"

Bramblestar smiled. "Oh, and you dropped these," he meowed, handing her the car keys.

"Thanks again!" Leafpool laughed, feeling stupid. She turned to go, calling over her shoulder, "Tell Squirrelflight I said hi!"

**o3o**

"... and those are my favorite elements of the periodic table," Jayfeather finished, sighing as his cloudy blue eyes glanced again at the door. Was Leafpool going to come or not? She had already missed the first half of his presentation. The gray tabby turned back to the class, flicking his ear in annoyance when he heard an audible snore.

"Well done, Jayfeather," the teacher, Ms. Yellowfang, praised in her raspy voice. "You will be a fine medicine cat one day, following in your mother's pawsteps."

Jayfeather blushed, pawing at his cheek to hide it. Who knew how red he was?

All of a sudden, someone burst into the classroom, gasping, "Am I late?"

His mother. "Er, yeah, you are. You missed half of my-"

"Well, you could represent it, couldn't you?"

"No!" the class begged.

Jayfeather glared at them and then hissed, "I'll just do the second half. Okay, so..."

**o3o**

Leafpool trotted out of the school, glancing at her watch. She had time for lunch, then had to get rehearsing and hang out with Feathertail and Nightcloud. She was relieved to have been able to catch her mid-day nap during her younger son's presentation; she was smart to have worn her shades so he couldn't tell she was asleep- Leafpool facepawed herself. Jayfeather was _blind_, for StarClan's sake.

**o3o**

"Hello, and welcome to the Crow's Ladies Talk Show!" Leafpool, Nightcloud, and Feathertail all meowed in unison like a singing quartet minus one.

"Today we have an extraordinary guest for you all!" Leafpool purred, beaming. "My father, Firestar!"

A still-handsome ginger tom with a flame-colored pelt and sharp emerald eyes padded onto stage with a grin. "Thank you for having me, sweetheart. Such a cute show."

Leafpool flattened her ears and sighed. "Thanks, Dad. So you're here to talk about Mom, I guess... hmm..." She stuck out her tongue.

Nightcloud smirked and bounced forward to the edge of her seat. "Tell me, Mr. Firestar Sir, O Great Leader of Thy ThunderClan, what is Sandstorm like? A storm of sand? Or a sand of storm?"

Feathertail cocked her head. "The second one doesn't even make sense."

"Shut up," Nightcloud replied.

Firestar laughed. "Well, Sandstorm is not like a storm of sand or a sand of storm," he meowed, rolling his eyes at his goddaughter, Feathertail. "No, honestly, she has a carefully-sharpened tongue and a crafty but sweet attitude that I just love. She is really the only cat for me, no matter how much I'll always love Spottedleaf."

Leafpool glared at him. "Dad, come on! You and Spottedleaf were never meant to be. And she was much older than you. That crush was kinda gross."

"You sound like your sister!" Firestar snorted. "Look, things happen for a reason. So Spottedleaf and I didn't end up together, and it wasn't meant to be. Sandstorm and I did-"

"FIRE!" A loud screech erupted like lava from a volcano from backstage. Sure enough, smoke was billowing out from behind the curtains. Leafpool gasped and raced off stage along with her co-hosts and father.

**o3o**

Tigerheart climbed his way through the rubble of the studio, wincing. In all his days as a firefighter, he had never quite seen damage this extensive. Or expensive... to repair. He picked all the way over to where a sobbing Leafpool, concerned Nightcloud, and worried Feathertail were. "Well, girls..." the dark tabby meowed slowly. "The reason for the fire was because someone left a fork in the backstage toaster." He raised a gloved pair to reveal a smoky black fork missing one of its tines.

"Oh, no..." Nightcloud breathed.

Leafpool turned on her. "It was you?"

* * *

**Oh and just wanted to provide you guys this list of real-life references made into ****_Warriors _****references, in case you were confused (some are more obvious than others):**

**-Kinstagram=Instagram**

**-Tigert=Target**

**-Kit-Cat=Kit-Kat**

**-Furrari=Ferrari**

**-Lion O'Brien=Conan O'Brien/Shaquille O'Neal**

**-Red Breeze=Red Bull**

**-Breeze Jewelers=I dunno, Kay Jewelers? XD**

**-Clanmas=Christmas (not to be offensive, since it is a religious holiday :o)**

**-High-four=High-five**

**-Facepaw=Facepalm**

**-Ask about any others I may have forgotten**

**-Mossy**


	8. Episode 8: Crookedstar

**Thanks for the OC, Rebellegirl! :'D Thanks so much for taking the time to look at a minor story like this one. I love your "Win a Date with Ivypool", btw! I will definitely use Jadecrystal, just as soon as they get this mess cleaned up...**

**Today: Crookedstar**

**Next: Lionblaze/Lion O'Brien (This will be interesting...)**

**-Mossy**

* * *

-chapter eight-

Leafpool cried in her room for days. She only left her room to get a fresh supply of Ben & Furry's. She was unbelievably furious with Nightcloud for being the reason the studio burned to the ground. The tabby had fired the black-furred WindClan cat on the spot, then sped all the way home in her Furrari, which had narrowly escaped the fire, being parked directly in front of the building.

"I mean, who leaves a fork in a toaster?" Leafpool sobbed out loud again for the umpteenth time, cramming another scoopful of Chunky Daisy in her mouth. "And when the toaster is _plugged in_?"

Just then, the doorbell rang. Thinking it was Nightcloud begging for mercy, Leafpool snapped, "Go away!"

"It's Feathertail," a soft voice answered.

"Ugh," Leafpool moaned. "It's open."

Feathertail trudged all the way through Leafpool's dusty, now unkempt home and turned up at Leafpool's bedroom door. She jiggled the doorknob. "It's locked."

Leafpool groaned and got up, dragging herself over to the door and unlocking it before throwing herself back onto the bed. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to talk to you, Leafpool," Feathertail growled. She sat at the foot of the bed, wrinkling her nose at the empty Chunky Daisy cartons thrown everywhere. "Um, how many of these did you-"

"You were saying?" interrupted the distressed tabby, too ashamed of the answer.

"Well, I'm not going to dance around the subject," Feathertail started. "Our studio is gone."

Leafpool sighed. "Yup."

"But... I... I found us a new studio!"

Leafpool sat up straight and stared at Feathertail with huge eyes. "You _what_?"

"I got us a new studio. It's just ten miles down the road from where our old studio was, so-"

Leafpool leaned forward and squeezed Feathertail until the silver she-cat squeaked, "I think my brains are coming out of my nose..."

**o3o**

The new studio... was, to put it simply, astounding.

In Leafpool's eyes, that is.

Feathertail sighed as she walked in with the excited tabby. The stage was almost dilapidated after years of being abandoned. The audience's red velvet seats were ripped and torn to shreds, as if a rabid dog pack had been through it. "Well, it's what we have..." Feathertail mumbled. "So we'll make use of it."

"Can we start the show tonight?" Leafpool squeaked.

Feathertail rubbed her head. "I suppose..." she mumbled. "But we can't do it without Nightcloud."

Leafpool looked angry enough to swat Feathertail in the face. "Yes, we can," she insisted firmly. "After all, it wasn't the _Three _Crow's Ladies Talk Show, it was the Crow's Ladies Talk Show, and if we're two of Crow's ladies, then we can do this."

Feathertail didn't reply. She just put her iPawd up to her ear and ordered three armchairs, a small coffee table, and two mugs. Leafpool put her paws on her hips and gazed around approvingly. _We can make this work_, she thought determinedly. _I know we can. _

**o3o**

"Welcome to the..." Leafpool started, trying not to show her discomfort in her chair. Because she had demanded for the show to be tonight, she and Feathertail had to settle for molded plastic school chairs, even the guest. The "coffee" table was a stack of herb dictionaries, and the mugs were two sippy cups without the lids that were filled with water but had a faint smell of old apple juice.

"... Crow's Ladies Talk Show!" Feathertail purred, eyes shining. She was proud of Leafpool for trying her best to make this work. The armchairs wouldn't be in for a week, the coffee table for two weeks, and the mugs for a few days, but for now, Leafpool was acting just like old times in their old studio.

"Today our guest is Crookedstar," Leafpool meowed, feeling like her chair was made of thumbtacks as she shifted around. Being used to the big, plush armchairs, this was going to be a bit difficult.

A light tabby tom with a twisted jaw padded onto stage and blinked, looking from the hosts to the kiddie chair. Then, with a mild hello, he sat down in it.

"So, Crookedstar," Feathertail meowed, being very polite to the former RiverClan leader. "Your mate was the beautiful Willowbreeze, right?"

Crookedstar sighed dreamily and wiped a tear from his eye. "Yes. She was one of the best cats I knew." He ground his claws against the cheap plastic, making it peel right off like a banana's skin. "And, unlike my brother Oakheart, I didn't run off to another Clan to find a mate."

Leafpool pursed her lips, but didn't pursue that touchy subject. "Okay, well, tell us a bit about Willowbreeze. Why did you fall in love with her?"

"Well, for one, she was just so much better than her sister Graypool," Crookedstar meowed, all seriousness. "I mean, phew, Graypool could've used some plastic surgery back in her early days. And then she got it and... oh, wow." He shuddered. "But anyway, Willowbreeze was so pretty. A confident she-cat, despite her half-Clan roots. I could see the WindClan in her, too, and it just made her stand out from all the- heh- _watery _she-cats in RiverClan."

No one laughed. Crookedstar frowned. Then, realizing it was supposed to be a joke, Feathertail and Leafpool quickly mustered up some fake laughs. Furiously Leafpool gestured to Mossyfire, and Feathertail to the audience. Soon the whole decaying studio was filled with ridiculously forced laughter.

Crookedstar flashed a smile, not realizing no one thought his crack was funny. "Well, yes, I suppose I am quite the class clown of my day," he snorted.

**o3o**

Later, Leafpool was on her laptop back home, checking the show's viewings. She was very disappointed. "Feathertail!" she growled to her friend, who was making popcorn in the kitchen, "Our viewings went down by 30%!"

Feathertail walked into the living room, a huge bowl of popcorn in her arms. Already half of it was gone, and Leafpool glared at her. Feathertail tried not to laugh as she mewed grimly, "Not to anger you, but it's probably because of Nightcloud."

"No," Leafpool retorted. "It must be because of our new studio. We'll really have to spice it up for the next show."

Feathertail shrugged, shoving another pawful of popcorn in her mouth, not pushing the subject anymore. "I don't think the audience really liked their seats."

The she-cats were in the middle of their movie, Snow & Ice- starring Snowfur and Icecloud- when there was a loud knock on the door. Leafpool hid behind the bowl of popcorn, her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk's. "You answer it and tell Nightcloud to go away," she ordered around her mouthful.

Feathertail resisted a sigh and stood up, opening the front door. Standing before her was Nightcloud- and a slim, pretty she-cat with glossy black fur and piercing green eyes.

* * *

**:DD Finally got this done!**


	9. Episode 9: Jadecrystal

**Sorry about not updating. I try to make these funny for you guys, and they are tough to write out. I should write some on my free time when I'm inspired so I have a couple pre-written.**

**Oh, and thanks so much for all the reviews guys. That meant a lot, Rebellegirl :'D And Soupsullyisepic, I picture them as cats that act and talk like people, but still walk on four paws, etc. They aren't actual people with cat ears or anything XD**

**Today: Lionblaze (Lion O'Brien)**

**Next: Ferncloud, from Fern & Dust + 7**

**EDIT: I lied. Today is Jadecrystal, and next Lion O'Brien.**

* * *

-chapter nine-

Leafpool, intrigued by Feathertail's stunned silence, crept up to the door, still hiding behind her friend. She was shocked to see her current mortal enemy, Nightcloud, as well as an unfamiliar black she-cat. "Well, hello there," Feathertail finally croaked. She glanced at the stranger and meowed, "And who are you?"

"Jadecrystal," the she-cat responded. "Nightcloud brought me here for something about a show?"

Nightcloud cleared her throat.

"She knows that you two may not listen to anything she says, so she wants me to tell you that she's really sorry for burning down your studio."

Nightcloud kicked her shin.

"Oww... oh, yeah, um, don't want a seventeenth tranquilizer dart in my ass," she muttered, rubbing her butt. "Um, even though I personally would rather not, Nightcloud wants me to take her place on your show."

Leafpool finally stepped out from behind Nightcloud and crossed her arms. "What's the name of our show?"

Jadecrystal raised a kittybrow. "Does it really matter? I'll learn it eventually."

Leafpool frowned, unrelenting. "You gotta know it to be involved with it."

"Um, okay..." Jadecrystal muttered. She hesitated, trying to conjure up something in her head that could mildly be related to the name of Leafpool and Feathertail's apparent show that she had never heard of. Honestly, she only watched TV when something good was on, like her favorite violent classics. Or something involving bombs. She loved bombs. And besides, reading was way better than whatever crap talk show these two she-cats hosted. The thing that had drawn Jadecrystal in to the show when Nightcloud pleaded her to do it was the mention of being paid.

Before she could completely fail a guess, Nightcloud mumbled something. Jadecrystal glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, trying desperately to ignore the cold stares of Leafpool and Feathertail before them. "What?"

"Mmphs Talk Show."

"Mm-" Jadecrystal started, still not having heard Nightcloud correctly.

"No!" Nightcloud hissed. "Crow's mmph Talk Show."

"Crow's..." Jadecrystal started.

"Yessss?" Leafpool meowed.

Finally Jadecrystal got it. "Crow's Ladies Talk Show?"

Feathertail nodded. "Well... done." She rolled her eyes and scowled meaningfully at Nightcloud.

Nightcloud frowned and shrugged innocently.

"Okay, well, I guess we'll interview you for the job," Leafpool announced padding back over to the couch covered with popcorn and rejected popcorn kernels that had been spit out. The tabby glanced at the mess, then in one swift move brushed everything onto the floor. "Excuse the mess," she mewed before sitting down on the couch with a smile. "Sit down," she invited Jadecrystal.

Trying not to wrinkle her nose in disgust, Jadecrystal walked over and sat gingerly on the very edge of the couch. Nightcloud started to enter the house, but winced as if the floor was made of hot rocks, not crusty carpet, when she saw Leafpool glare at her.

Swiftly the black she-cat spun around and slammed the door. Feathertail, Leafpool, and Jadecrystal could hear her open and close the car door, then speed off. Jadecrystal glanced away from the door and at Leafpool. "... hey."

"Hello," Leafpool muttered stonily. She yelled towards the back room, "Feathertail, what's taking so long?"

"Sorry!" Feathertail sped into the room and threw a clipboard and pencil at Leafpool. The tabby caught the clipboard, but the pencil hit her nose and fell to the ground as she gazed at Feathertail.

"My lucky pencil?" she hissed.

**o3o**

After much preparation, the interview began. Leafpool decided to act like she was on the show, and Feathertail soon caught on too.

"So, Jadecrystal," Leafpool mused, tapping her chin with a pencil reading "AY" (formerly a HAPPY BIRTHDAY pencil that was worn down to the flattened eraser, almost). "Anyone special in your life?"

Jadecrystal scooted all way to the armrest opposite of the one Leafpool was perched up on. "Um, no."

Feathertail smirked. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not," the black she-cat insisted. "Look, this isn't even related to job-like stuff. Don't you need my resumé or-"

"If you know what our show is about," Leafpool said, "then you should know what you need to get this job."

Jadecrystal shrunk back, spooked by her tone. Then she got it, and rolled her eyes. "So, I need to have dated Crowfeather?"

Feathertail skipped over to the light switch and dimmed the lights a bit. At the same time, she and Leafpool slyly whispered, "Yes."

Jadecrystal groaned.

Very quickly, Leafpool added, "And, for it to really count, have kits with him-"

Feathertail cuffed her over the ear and turned to Jadecrystal, turning the lights back on all the way. "I just had a little affair with Crowy when we were younger, but then I died. He only had kits with Leafpool and Nightcloud, so they've always thought they're more important to him than me." She chuckled. "And yet, his name is Crow_feather_."

"That means nothing," Leafpool growled.

"No, actually, he asked to be named after me, so," Feathertail smirked. She didn't have to say anything else.

There was silence. Then Jadecrystal asked, "Just one date?"

The two tabbies nodded. "Just one date," they confirmed in unison.

* * *

**XD**


End file.
